Relationship Conflict Resolution Model

About a month ago, my young lady (whom I will refer to as Kelly) and I were not get along very well, and I attributed our difficulties to a mounting mess of chance ont-to-heart disputes from our past. So I invited Kelly to sit d let and fall in words about our problems. Kelly jubilantly accepted. We agreed to take mavin resentment at a time, and pour forth each one through before moving the next. We ate dinner party unneurotic, sat down on her couch and faced each other. I encouraged Kelly to curb this talk between us, so I respectfully let her pick an issue hat is bothering her to talk about.It was difficult to hear about a problem that she has used against me many times al get wordy and I had hoped that she on the button forgot about it besides I sucked it up and listened anyway. The maturement resentment that Kelly had been lugging around every day for everyplace 3 old age started when she had disc overed explicit text edition messages on my phone between me and some other muliebrity. I tried to Justify my dirty-talk with this woman by blaming Kelly for rejecting me in the slash way imaginable. I had witnessed Kelly having sex tit other man Just after we had started dating.Kelly k juvenile I was there, but she was so caught up in her own pleasure and enjoyment that my existence was no more operative than a fly on the wall. Kelly ignored everything I did and said as I attempted to get her stop what she was doing, and continued having sex with him until she became satisfied. I was in all devastated and overwhelmed with rejection. I could have left Kelly after what she had done. But I entangle that if I can forgive her for this then I will experience all of tellling cards in our relationship.So I chose to stay with her, and condition how things go I expected Kelly to suck up to me, kiss my ass, and even out up for her actions in every way she possibly could But that never happened. Kelly ignored it and never even gave me the chance t o express my feelings of betrayal and end to her about it. Consequently, I let the resentment build up in me over time, mainly because I lacked assertiveness, so I buried my feelings to fend off impinge and reliving that dreadful event. So when Kelly initially confronted me about my text messages with this other woman,I responded to it by becoming defensive, trying to Justify my actions by blaming her for betraying me with another man. I tried to make her conceptualize that my behavior was the result of her actions. I tried to make her believe that my interest in another woman was all her fault and that my dirty little secret was only talk and not sex, and against me. Ultimately, I felt entitled to do whatever I wanted because she had cheated with another man and she did it right in front of me. Since then, I have tried to figure out what it is that I had done front to Kellys actions hat may have influenced her choice to reject me that way.I started to realize set apart of thi ngs about myself while progressing through psychological treatment, and through this process I have practiced expressing empathy, sharpening my listen skills and I have been doing more demote with each new skill that I have learned. But as I continued to use each new skill in my daily tone, I could not avoid feeling somewhat autocratic when I used empathy and assertiveness at times with Kelly. I had been intentionally mentation out how to use the right tone if voice, overlapping ententes and development memorized feeling words Just to show empathy Inconsequently, my new communication musical mode started to feel somewhat rehearsed, fake and coercive to me I knew I was facial expression the right things, but I started to feel that sometimes my words were craving real meaning and sincerity Speaking to people as if I were following directions from a book about how to communicate. But this particular pose talk with Kelly turned out to be more positively significant than any other talk that we have ever had. Everything that I have learned in therapy has been a benefit to my relationship with Kelly , and everyone else in my life for that matter..But reflecting back a few months, before having this talk with her, I agnize that I still hadnt been able to sort of tie it all together and use everything that I have learned so far without thinking too much about communication styles and details. I have been utilise listening skills, expressing empathy, taking accountability, and modifying my behavior more and more each week, and I have taken every opportunity to use each new skill as much as possible. But I have recently realized hat I was only getting break down at using each skill independent from the others.Toward the end of our conflict resolution talk, I felt the greatest sense of comforter in our relationship to see how happy Kelly was becoming as our conversation progressed. I had not realized how powerful of an impact that genuine empathy and list ening to her every word would have on both of us. I believe that I actually felt the same pain that she had felt when she read those words on my phone. It was overwhelming.. I felt a brick in my stomach made of betrayal and devastation s Kelly expressed the gummy details of my dirty text messages.She had said these same words to me before, describing her sorrow over it, but I must have Just barricade her words out or I interrupted her in selfness and defense force each time . The feelings inside of me made the event seem much more significant than I had realized. I could see it the way that she had see it but this time, the event upon me was very profound and I was taken over by guilt and shame. Truly understanding and experiencing Kellys feelings caused emotions inside of me that kook control of my body language.I forgotten about my own resentments. I tried to brood my emotions, because I felt that have no right to cry over the pain that I had inflicted on her, but I couldnt stop the tears.. Kelly, go to my side, laid her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms me. This was the root time that I had ever been successful in expressing pure empathy. This one particular dispute was resolved, but the scar will last forever. But Kelly and I now share this scar and we view our remaining clear disputes as teammates from the opposing dugout.